Finally. It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. I have a lot of catching up to do. It’s been hard to gather my thoughts. The best way for me to start back, is to start small – one thought at a time – “Baby Steps” you might say (hehe). (I said small not short)
WE ARE GRANDPARENTS! Wow….this is big enough to blog about for weeks – I’m sure for years! It’s exciting. It’s overwhelming. It’s…it’s….wow. Aren’t I to young for this yet so ready for this?
Our son and daughter-in-law’s baby girl was due in January. Yet, that was not going to be how her story played out! She was to come early – 6 weeks early to be exact. She entered the world taking that first breath of air right after Thanksgiving. We had the privilege of traveling to the states to be with our families during the holidays and were able to spent sweet times with this new little one. She’s perfect….she’s strong…she’s been growing and coming into herself a little more each day. How precious it was to just sit and hold her. To kiss her checks, hold her little hands…try to comfort her when she cried.
Things aren’t always how you imagine: It’s interesting , now, to think of how many days it took for the reality to sink in , and to have the feelings of connectedness I was supposed to have with her. Everyone say’s, “Your life will change the moment you see the baby!” To be honest…it took a few days. She was in the NICU for 10 days, which caused some distance. I also never got to really see Katie pregnant, since we live in Germany – I still needed to get use to the idea that this was real. I felt helpless in those first days – I came to help, but there wasn’t anything to “do”. I had in my mind what this would look like and what kind of roles I should play. But until you go through it…you never really know what to expect. It took time. It helped talking with my kids about our feelings and expectations. All our roles were changing…our relationships were going through transitions (as parent and child roles are constantly changing through out the years). It didn’t take long though, as I was able to spend more time with this precious baby, for my heart to melt. Aww…there were those emotions and feelings I was looking for! Again I am reminded to relax, breath and let go of mis-placed or unrealistic expectations and see each day as a gift!
Roles Being Redefined: Before Ian and Katie got married, Katie asked me what kind of grandmother I wanted to be. I said…Present! Well, as I sit here in my living room on this sunny, snow-covered day in Kandern, Germany….I’m not sure how that is going to work out. But as I talk with my friends who are in the same situations as Brent and I….we will figure this out. We will find new and creative ways to be present, new ways of engaging. It may not look the way we thought, and I may have many days of tears for missing out on my families lives. I may have days where I need to grieve the way I thought things would be – and they’re not. to let go of those expectations. Yet, I am willing to allow God to have this area of my life and redefine it. I choose to not look at what I am not able to do with or for my kids and grandkids, but what I am able to do and do it well.
Final Thought for the Day: We try to plan everything out, but just as our sweet baby girl came when no one was planning…she came when she did for a reason. I see all kinds of blessings because she came early. I believe she has been a gift in our families lives – in ways of healing, hope, dependence and moving forward. And that’s what letting go and allowing God to redefine us looks like – moving forward…towards the best that He has for us!
Here she is: She’s beautiful!